For those uninitiated, Jonathan Lee Riches© (he asserts his names is copyrighted) he is an inmate at Federal Correctional Institution (FCI) Williamsburg, SC with a penchant for litigation. His many lawsuits include: Michael Vick, Barry Bonds, Don Imus, Wal-Mart, President Bush, The World Wide Web, Williams Sisters, 50 Cent, Iron Mike Tyson and LeBron James. Now the JRL has turned his litigation skills on NASCAR and Jeff Gordon.
Jonathan Lee Riches© A/K/A “Litigator Crusader” v. Jeff Gordon d/b/a NASCAR Driver; Hendrick Motorsports. The complaint is entitled “Recklessly Drivin My Life Crazy” is a civil action for “violation of chemical weapons 18 USC 229, car assault, speeding, road rage, DUI crimes and exhaust pollution.” The JLR is seeking “22,000,000,000.00 Billion dollars and Gordon’s #24 car.”
The following is the text of the complaint:
Plaintiff, Jonathan Lee Riches© A/K/A “Litigator Crusader,” CEO of Jonathan Lee Riches© Inc., specializing in Entertainment and Magic.
Defendant, Jeff Gordon is a NASCAR raced river for the #24 car owned by Hendrick Motorsports Inc.
Jeff Gordon is in a humongous conspiracy with Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, Jewish Mossad, I-35W Bridge, Pit crew members, and checkered flags to drive my life insane, create madness in the world. Plans to use the #24 car as a weapon of mass destruction.
On Jan 17, 2006, I was physically kidnapped by Gordon’s pit crew. Tied up at Lowes Motorspeedway. Gordon’s pit crew took turns driving over me.
On Aug 22, 2007 – The #24 car tried to smash the gates of FCI Williamsburg to run be down on Barry Bonds orders. Car 54 were are you?
May 6, 2007 – Gordon tied me to his bumper during the Talladega race.
Nov 17, 2006 – The #24 car time travels.
Feb 16, 2007 – Mr. Gordon took Kit from Nightrider.
July 7, 2007 – Gordon is in relation with Flash Gordon.
Illegal Car Fighting
Feb 6, 2007 – Gordon uses his #24 car in illegal car fights. The offenses take place at a I-45 Juffy Lube Express. I was a witness.
On June 7, 2007 Jeff Gordon told me “I drink drunk during NASCAR races.” Gordon also told me his is drinking buddies with S.D. gov. Bill Janklow.
Aug 23, 2007 – Karl Rove left the White House to work as Gordon’s tire changer.
May 7, 2006 – Gordon personally bought Viagra from Mark Martin.
Jan 8, 2007 – Gordon told me “I have secret plans to put wings on the #24 car and fly it into Ft. Knox.”
On June 17, 2006 – Jeff Gordon told me “I’m a racist, the goal is to thwart black NASCAR drivers.” Gordon talks behind Juan Pablo Montoya’s back, used the #24 to hit Juan Valdez’s horse.
On Aug 14, 2007 – Jeff Gordon told me “I have secret plant to release exhaust pollution into the crowds at the next Lowes Mororspeedway race.”
Oct 17, 2006 – Gordon drove doughnuts in the parking lot at FCI Williamsburg.
June 23, 2007 – Gordon confessed to me in Email, he purposely crashes other NASCAR drivers. Gordon has a secret trap door under the #24 to drop tic tac’s and oil on racing tracks.
Oct. 2002 – Gordon let beltway sniper John Mohammed borrow his car.
Plaintiff compels this court to issue an Injunction against Jeff Gordon and stop him from: Sticking my head in his exhaust pipe, wife swapping with Jimmie Johnson, picking on Kids with big wheels and go carts, driving off without paying at Sunoco Stations.
Plaintiff’s life is in danger from Mr. Gordon and the #24. The daily trauma inflicted on me by Jeff Gordon is torture. Plaintiff prays for relief.
So Karl Rove resigned as Deputy Chief of Staff to President George W. Bush, so that he could start a second career as a tire changer in NASCAR. That makes sense.