Patriots Must Go Undefeated: Silence Shula, Csonka And The Rest Of The 1972 Dolphins

Don Shula came out and against the New England Patriots, stating that if they go undefeated their record is tainted because they were caught stealing defensive signals. Not a good move. Don Shula was a well-respected coach and a member of the NFL Hall of Fame. Now he is a bitter old man holding on to his former glory.

For those who do not know, the 1972 Miami Dolphins have the only perfect season in the NFL. In 1972 the Dolphins went 17-0. Every year the members of that team gather to celebrate and relive their former glory when the last undefeated team in the NFL suffers its first loss. The team was outstanding and included incredible players including, Bob Griese, Mercury Morris, and Nick Buoniconti. But, at this point the celebration has become pathetic.

Problems with the 1972 Dolphins and why the 2007 New England Patriots are better:

  1. Larry Csonka has a silent letter in his last name. And Jim Kiick has an extra letter in his last name. The Patriots do not have Tom Psbrady and Laurence Maroooney. Drop the extra letters and get with the program.
  2. Kiick and Csonka both have mustaches. Enough said.
  3. The ’72 Dolphins’s record is tainted, because the vast majority of the players on the opposing teams were on Angle Dust. (the author has no proof of this, but it is probable given the drugs popularity in the ’70s).
  4. The 1972 SI cover proves that both of these guys are tools.
  5. Everything sucked in the 1970s.

Below is a previously-unpublished transcript of the conversation between Jim Kiick and Lawrence “Larry” Csonka just before the SI-cover shoot:


Kiick: Hey Dick Butkus, what’s going on good buddy?

Csonka: I’m not Dick Butkus, I’m Larry Csonka. We play in the same backfield!

K: Sorry my man. The photo shoot for the Sports Illustrated cover is going to be great. How does my mustache look?

C: Are you kidding, all mustaches look good. Yours looks great, especially the way it grow way low. Also, you hair is looking good, good buddy. Hey, I have a great idea. I’m going to flip the bird with my right hand during the photo shoot. This will really stick it to the man.

K: Great idea Dick.

C: I told you, I’m Larry Csonka not Dick Butkus.

K: Sorry my man.

K: Let’s jump in your Plymouth Road Runner Superbird, with the Hemi V8 and go buy some CB radios.

C: Good idea. We can make up some handles. I want to be “mutton chops.”

K: I wanted that name. Bummer.

C: On the way home we should buy the new 8 Track of Muskrat Love. Tennille is hot. I’d like to be her captain.

K: We should also go see Convoy. Kris Kristofferson has a cool beard, it is almost as good as a mustache.

C: Nothing is as good as a mustache. But, let’s see the movie. I want you to call me Rubber Duck.

K: Good idea. We should wear our leisure suits.

C: Yea.

K: We should stop off at our friend Iron Eyes Cody‘s house to see if he wants to go.  You know him, the “Crying Indian” from the PSA where there is a bunch of junk in the river.  You know, the guy who pretended to be Cherokee/Cree to get acting jobs, when he was really the son of two Italians from Louisiana.

C: Oh, yea him.  He should grow a mustache.

K: You said it.

C: Let’s get some fondue for the movie.

K: Sounds good.

K: We can get our ladies to make us some macramé.

C: My lady is already on it.

K: Let’s take our ladies to Studio 54.

C: Yea, they can use their macramé purses.

K: You have some great sideburns.

C: Thanks. Let’s not bathe during this decade.

K: Deal!

Yes, the author was alive in the ’70s. And the author sucked. With a Nicholas Bradford haircut, two-tone OP corduroy shorts, an OP shirt with a butterfly collar extending to the armpits, and a puka shell necklace. Dork!


Notes: The author is aware that Convoy was not released until 1978. It is still in the 70s. Also, there is no transcript of Kiick talking to Csonka, but that is what they would have said.

6 Responses

  1. If the Patriots go undefeated, wouldn’t they have had a longer single-season winning streak than the Dolphins? If so, perhaps the Dolphins deserve the asterisk.

    And no, I’m not sure because the Dolphins defeated the Redskins in the Super Bowl that year. OK, maybe a little sore..

  2. Laces OUT!!!!

  3. The celebration that happens every year will continue this year because your Pasties will at some point fold and implode on the field. Just an FYI also, angel dust didn’t show up until 1976. You must of done quite a bit to lose that much time !!!

    NC DOLFAN – I don’t like the Pats. I just hate the ’72 Fins. You got me on the dust point. Good one.


  4. Say what you want about the 72 Dolphins (last of the true gridiron gladiators. Look it up sportsfans). (If) the patridiots “can” win the bowl and “match” the 72 title. It highly improbable (sorry n.e. big word) they can hold it for 32 years. No pressure pretty boys.

  5. woops there it is, big props to the giants for protecting the perfect season, may the dolphins hold it forever.nd by the way angeldust usually puts you through fits of rage, and abundant bursts of strength, wouldn’t that make the opposing teams more aggressive? well just came to say HA dolphins hater

  6. fuck you dolphin hater no other team will do it………..

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