This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than the enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. My rifle and I know that what counts in war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit. My rifle is human, even as I am human, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my rifle clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. Before God I swear this creed. My rifle and I are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy. - Marine Corps Rifleman's Creed.
Florida quarterback Tim Tebow received so many threatening messages on this cell phone that he had to change his number. Way to go LSU fan.
Dreadnaught 
I would like to take this time to formally apologize to Tim Tebow. While I don’t care about Florida football, and I’m not an LSU fan, I have been harassing him for weeks now to father my child. I think with my intellect and his height and superior athletic skills, he’d be a good sperm donor. But now that he’s changed his number, I want to tell him I’m sorry for my behavior.
I’m sure it was the voicemail that made him cry like a baby at the end of the game.