New Addition to Blogroll: lifeofdunbar

Are you a government employee, federal or state?  If so, you will enjoy the reflections in the newest addition to Dreadnaught’s blogroll: lifeofdunbar

Sample:

This blog is for those who possess the faculties of reason yet somehow thrive in service to their country.

A respite for those who understand the government and who are frightened by that very fact.

Enjoy

yojoe out

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System

Quotes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System:

• • • D – Demonstrate Your Value
    • E – Engage Physically
    • N – Nurturing Dependence
    • N – Neglect Emotionally
    • I – Inspire Hope
    • S – Separate Entirely
• Mac
  • He has banged a lot of chicks.
  • Separate entirely.
  • Men stuff!
  • I’m swooping in on your chick.
  • So they can get to know each other more better.
• Sweet Dee
  • He’s not D.E.N.N.I.S.ing me.
  • Of course we have engaged physically.
  • I don’t need you, I don’t need anybody.  Shut up!
• Frank Reynolds
  • I would have gone in and bought a box of Magnum condoms.  Thus demonstrating I have a monster dong.
  • I’ve got my Magnum condoms, I’ve got my wad of hundreds, I’m ready to plow.
  • Hello, Dr. Toboggan.
  • She don’t have a boyfriend.
  • I’m ready to plow.
  • That’s good, call me that from now on, Mantis.
• Dennis Reynolds
  • I have a system, a fool-proof system for getting any chicks undying love and affection for life.  I’m talking about the D.E.N.N.I.S. system
  • The D.E.N.N.I.S. system is a comprehensive approach for seduction I have developed for years.
  • I personally try to engage the girl physically without ever having gone on a date.
  • And then, naturally, we bang.
  • Have her car towed, or slash her tires.
  • Welcome to hell.
  • You been humping these chicks when I’m done with them?
  • And then, naturally, we bang.
• Charlie Kelly
  • Smooth. Very very smooth stuff, very classy.  I’m learning a lot from you dude.
  • Your getting played big time, big time.
  • You don’t want to call the police.

Blogroll Addition: The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks

If you have ever noted the myriad grammatical faux pas visited upon the signage across the country, this blog is for you: the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks

Here is a prior post with a very unusual urinal sign.

yojoe out

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Wrestles for the Troops

Quotes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Wrestles for the Troops.

Are you kidding, with Rowdy Roddy Piper as a guest star you know it will be great.  Also Rickety Cricket wrestles Frank.

• Charlie Kelly
• Unfortunately, he does not mention Milk Steak.
  • Maybe we will do an eagle screech.
  • Pigeon Boys, let’s do this!
  • I feel like pigeons are survivors, though.
  • What’s up cricket.
  • Were gonna write this great song.  It’s gonna be about how bad ass we are.
  • What happens in the ring cricket, happens in the ring.
  • Why the hell would you have a bucket of chestnuts bro?
  • That’s no prop. That’s sharp razor wire.
  • They are going to announce our name: Birds of War.
• Mac
  • Is he foraging for his food?
  • I’m getting more of a chicken vibe.
  • Drop a beat for us.
  • We can’t let the Taliban win.
  • I don’t know what kind of bird we would be.
  • The eagles born out of thunder, he flies through the night, don’t you mess with his eggs now, or you’ll see us fight, because we have feathers, but the muscles of men, because we’re Bird of War now, but we’re also men.
• Frank Reynolds
  • I’m the trash man.
  • I start eating garbage.
• Dennis Reynolds
  • I want people to be able to see we aren’t just birds.
  • He was calling you the N-word.
  • I don’t feel that we are reading as eagles.
  • We are Bird Men, we are Birds of War.
• Sweet Dee
  • For the love of God, please don’t ask him about his dick.
  • I’m not desert rose.
  • So, what’s the deal with you standing?
  • Artemis, I’m warning you, if you don’t get out of the way right now I’m gonna bring out the big guns.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: The World Series Defense

Quotes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The World Series Defense

• Charlie Kelly
  • I got a pretty good thing going with green man.
  • Passionate fans, we got to hammer something.
  • We are going to do a Charlie 1 2.
  • Don’t big league me man. character
  • I got hammed so hard.
  • I’m calling kangaroo court.
• Mac
  • I’m not watching this game sober.
  • I don’t appreciate being paraphrased.  Now I choose my words very deliberately.
  • I absolutely have the upper-body strength to accomplish that.
  • When ever there is a potential riot, I’m getting blasted on grain alcohol.
• Frank Reynolds
  • Balls!  They are fumigating the building for bed bugs.
  • I can’t read every flyer that gets slipped under the door.
  • The bug bomb bastards took them.
• Dennis Reynolds
  • I’m blasting bear chest the whole time.
  • Riot punch.
  • Can we not base out decisions on what does or does not work on episodes of Scooby-Doo.
  • We are not gonna be waste’n our fine grain alcohol on your bug bites.
• Sweet Dee
  • World Series bitches!
  • Let’s pregame!

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention

Quotes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention

Frank Reynolds

• It’s not grease it’s sap.
• I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left, I’m gonna get real weird with it.
• Block the wind I’m gonna roast this bone.
• We did a bunch of those Monster energy drinks and dry humped.  I think she gave me poison ivy.
• Look Snail, back off, you’re just mash’n it now.

Charlie Kelly

• You might want to be armed at this intervention.
• When was the last time we played nightcrawlers, Frank.

Dennis Reynolds

• Gail the Snail is the Garbage Pail cousin.

Sweet Dee

• We are not intervening on Frank for a lack of good ideas.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis

Quotes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

Charlie Kelly

• Hummingbirds are a legal tender.
• Now, let’s say you and I go toe to toe on bird law, and see how comes out the victor.
• I’m trying to get satisfied from this dude.

Mac

• We have to kill the kids because they have seen our faces.
• How about I take your wife upstairs and show her what it’s like to be deep inside a really big house.

Jay-Z, The Game, Neo-Conservatives, Liz Lemon, and Kermit The Frog

These are two must-read posts.  There is no connection between these posts, in fact they could not be more dissimilar.  Nonetheless, you should enjoy both. 

Jay-Z v. The Game: Lessons for the American Primacy Debate

30 Rock is a rip-off of The Muppet Show

yojoe out

Artie Lange, Joe Buck, And The Hypocrisy Of HBO

The comic Artie Lange was recently invited to Joe Buck’s new HBO show Joe Buck Live.  While on the show Lange was both funny and abrasive.  Now the head of HBO, Ross Greenburg has apologized for Lange and banned him from HBO,

“I would say I’m sorry to anyone across America who had kids and were watching what they thought was a good and honest sports show that turned into gutter language.”

I did not see the original airing of the show, but I did catch it on a replay.  Also, the show continues to replay on HBO.  Now if Mr. Greenburg is so sorry for Lange’s actions why is he continuing to air the program?  Either apologize and refuse to air the show, or continue to air it and embrace Lange’s brand of comedy.  Just don’t profit from Lange’s appearance and fain shock.

yojoe out

New HBO Show: Eastbound & Down

The new HBO Eastbound & Down show stars Danny McBride as Kenny Powers, a 35-year-old ex MLB pitcher who is forced to return to his home town to be a P.E. teacher.  The story is exactly what you would expect if John Rocker was forced to go back to his home town.

The show’s executive producers are Will Ferrel and Adam McKay.  The men from funny or Die who brought you Pearl in The Landlord and Good Cop, Baby Cop.

The show is great, at least the first episode was.  To give you an idea, Kenny Powers’s motto is “You’re F**Kin’ Out, I’m F**kin’ In!”  What more could one ask for?

yojoe out

Connecticut Judge Curtissa Cofield Arrested For DUI Calls Officer Negro Washington

2008 was the year of Judge Elizabeth Halverson.  First Judge Halverson was removed from the bench for misconduct, then she was attacked by her husband,  Her husband pleaded guilty to domestic battery and she lost her reelection bid.

That was 2008, it is now 2009 and we have Judge Curtissa Cofield of Hartford, CT.

Judge Cofield was arrested and charged with a DUI after she ran her BMW into a state trooper’s vehicle.  A recent video was released showing Judge Cofield referring to the arresting officer as “Negro Washington.”  She then asked the officer “if a Negro was sent to arrest a Negro.”

Finally, Judge Cofield explained her conduct.  She stated that she “was suffering from Negroitis.”

Here is an article by Judge Cofield wherein she explains that underage drinking is a crime.  Not quite irony, but close.

yojoe (in judicial mode) out

The police should leave us alone and let us sell our weed

The title of this post is a quote from Antoine Blalock, a DC resident who was convicted for possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.

Recently, Mr. Blalock’s case was on appeal at the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit.  The facts of the case were less than normal,

Blalock drove to the Seventh District Police Station on Alabama Avenue S.E. in May 2007. He pulled a handgun from the trunk and started firing, shooting in the air outside the station. Five shots. He shouted, according to court records, “The police should leave us alone and let us sell our weed!”

Blalock complied with demands to drop his gun—and he did not stop there. He dropped his pants, standing naked before officers wrapped him up in a towel. Police seized 23 bags of marijuana. Blalock told police he wanted to “throw weed” and shoot the gun to get recognition from a record label.

For more on marijuana, see the devastating rope shortage facing California.

yojoe out

H/T: The BLT

Odd Search Engine Term

It is interesting to see what search terms direct people to your blog. I actually had three occurrences of the following search term:

gay dating gastric bypass

Wow, what has this blog turned into?

BCS Declares Germany Winner Of World War II

This post is not original, I only wish I was this creative.  The following is from a email that is making the rounds.

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work—including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule—our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Washington DC Has Plan To Fix All Its Problems: Rename A Street "Taxation Without Representation Street"

The residence of DC have a great new plan to solve all their woes: rename the portion of South Capitol Street between N Street and Potomac Avenue “Taxation Without Representation Street.”

That should do it.  No more problems in the District.

This should help your rate of HIV/AIDS infection, which is the highest in the nation.  (128.4 cases per 100,000 people, compared to 14 cases 100,000 people for the rest of the United States)

Murders that “are the second-leading cause of premature deaths among the District population as a whole . . .” are no longer a problem.

A 6th-place ranking in a ranking of the most dangerous cities in the United States, is no longer an issue.

And, some of the worst public schools in the nation.  Fixed.

Jonathan Lee Riches© Sues Blizzard Entertainment

The JLR (as Jonathan Lee Riches©  is known at Dreadnaught) has filed a lawsuit against Blizzard Entertainment.  Here is his latest lawsuit:

Comes now the interveners, moves Jonathan Lee Riches d/b/a Gordon Gekko, Vincent Dragonetti, Steven Iaria, Mario Cassarino, moves this honorable court to intervene in this case as Plaintiffs under fed r. civ P rule 24(A)2 – as a matter of right, or under rule 24(B) – permissive intervention, as interverors have a intrest in this case against Blizzard Entertainment Inc and their World of Warcraft video games which caused Intervenors to commit federal crimes.  World of Warcraft caused Riches mind to live in a virtual universe, where Riches explored the landscapes committing Identity theft and fighting cybermonster rival hackergangs.  Riches was addicted to video games and lost touch with Reality because of defendants.  This caused Riches to commit fraud to buy defendants video games.  Riches chose World of Warcraft over working a legit job.  I move for Amicus Cuaie, I can provide this court with my medical charts, credit and receipts of buying their video games with fraud.  I have newly discovered evidence.  I pray this court will grant Intervenors motion for relief.

For all of the JLR’s lawsuits.

yojoe out

Season 5 Of The Office

Season 5 of The Office, U.S. version, premiered on 28SEP08.

Pam’s rendering of Dwight.

yojoe out

H/T: Office Tally

Duke: Worst Team In College Football According To Lawyer

Duke entered into a contract to play four football games against the University of  Louisville.  According to the complaint, Duke breached the contract.  Duke defended the lawsuit based on a provision of the contract that allowed Duke to avoid having to pay $150,000 penalty for each game not played, if Louisville could find an opponent of “similar statute” to Duke.

Duke’s lawyer argues there is no team of similar stature,

I think the Court can absolutely positively take judicial notice that Duke is probably the worst football team in Division I football. Everybody knows that. That’s no secret. The longest losing streak, the inability to ever win games. Everybody knows about it. That’s well documented. We certainly don’t have to go out and take six months of discovery to establish that for you.

No argument here.

yojoe out

Don’t Kiss The Urinal: It Is Out Of Order

This photo comes from the restroom at work.  What was the author of this sign trying to communicate?  Was this a warning to not kiss the urinal?  Are you being warned to not kiss the urinal because it is out of order?  So as soon as they get the urinal fixed, fell free to go back to frenching to your hearts content.

yojoe out

Navy Abandons Zumwalt-Class Destroyer

The Zumwalt-Class Destroyer (DDG 1000) was to be a class of next-generation, multi-mission surface combatants tailored for land attack and littoral dominance, with capabilities designed to defeat current and projected threats as well as improve battle force defense.

The destroyer was designed to be,

adaptable, affordable, survivable, flexible and responsive.

Evidently, the goal of affordability was not attained.

Growing costs and vulnerability to anti-ship missiles sank the Navy’s once-heralded “stealth destroyer,” a highly advanced warship designed to slip close to the shore unnoticed and pummel targets with big guns boasting pinpoint accuracy.

Faced with cost estimates upward of $5 billion per ship, the Navy had no choice but to let its prized Zumwalt destroyer program end after the first two ships are built, analysts said Wednesday.

The official rationale provided by the Navy for discontinuing the DDG 1000 is the cost.

The scuttlebutt, however, suggests that sailors were troubled by a Z-gram that indicated that they may be forced to wear sideburns if assigned to one of the destroyers.  In all likelihood this is rumor is completely unfounded.

yojoe (in no-sideburns mode) out

Brady Quinn Involved in Gay Dating Scandal

Former Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn is doing his best impression of Mike “I’m not gay. I’m heterosexual” Piazza.  According to TMZ, Quinn’s lawyer has sent a cease-and-desist letter to a homosexual-dating website demanding that photos of Quinn be removed from the advertisement.

The message: Brady Quinn is not gay.  Evidently Quinn is willing to go so far as to fight gay people to prove his heterosexuality.

While it is normal, and expected, that a professional athlete would not want his image used for advertising without his permission, it is quite another matter to go out of one’s way to deny he is a homosexual.  To quote The Bard, “The Brady doth protest to much, methinks.”

Here are a few suggestions for Quinn:

1. Stop being so homophobic.
2. Keep your shirt on.
3. Stop taking homoerotic photographs.
4. Try to stop dressing like a member of the Village People.
5. Stop sucking at football.

As a side note, Coach Charlie “I looked at myself and saw a disaster” Weis, may want to get in contact with Quinn’s lawyers.  Not to appeal the jury verdict “You Are Fat” from his failed-gastric-bypass lawsuit, but to represent Jimmy Clausen.  If Clausen keeps taking pictures wearing a banana hammock and posing oil with two other guys, it will not be long until the gay rumors start flying.

yojoe Fight On!

</a :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::